Domestic Violence: How social media is helping victims find their voices

Domestic violence has a long, ugly and subsisting history in Nigeria, or anywhere for that matter.

Many have been scarred, some died, and others permanently left numb to the happiness that marriages/relationships are meant to be about.

Recently, I came across a narration by a daughter on Twitter, of how her mother suffered continuous physical and emotional abuse from her father that she [the mother] lived in perpetual fear and knew no happiness until they became divorced. [Ironically he initiated that divorce process.]

In the past, women hardly came out to talk about these things, bottling in all that pain and suffering in silence – and men could not bear the shame of even breathing a word of it to anyone.

playVictims of domestic violence have more avenues to make themselves heard (Nairaland)

These days, thankfully, people are becoming more ‘vocal’ about abuse, and this is in no small part due to the availability of social media platforms.

Singer Muma Gee released pictures alleging that her enstranged husband had abused her, Tonto Dikeh also came out on Instagram to talk about being abused.

Even Fuston Utomi, who owns the Foston Musik which Patoranking is signed to, has been called out on Instagram by Ajoke, his ex-wife, for his alleged acts of savagery on her during the time they were married.

playFuston Utomi's ex-wife, Ajoke recently released this horrific picture as evidence of alleged domestic violence perpetrated by the label boss (IG)

Although Oladunni Churchill has come out with counterclaims of their own against Tonto, it is still obvious that a pattern is emerging here - social media has provided an extra avenue for people to come out of the closet about abusive marriages.

In the past, people only had the options of forever keeping quiet, reporting to the police, members of the abuser’s family or theirs.

These days though, abused persons are running to the haven provided by social media to share their stories and narrate their ordeals.

So great has been social media’s influence on recent domestic violence narrative that even men have hopped on these platforms to raise the alarm about abuse being suffered by them.

playEven men have found an outlet for their sufferings on social media (Vanguard)

Take for instance, Twitter user Rosanwo who narrated that his wife had ceaselessly abused him, once leading to a shift of his spine.

Will domestic violence suddenly end because few perpetrators have been called out on social media platforms? Is this even the way to go about putting a stop to domestic violence?

Of course, stopping domestic violence is a very serious matter which surely goes beyond sharing these painful stories and narrating struggles on social media.

But you could refer to these shared stories as the cliché first few drops that later form a mighty ocean, or more accurately, the first footsteps taken on a journey of a thousand miles.

playMuma Gee shows evidence to back up her domestic violence claim (BN)

There is still a lot more that needs to be done – first, the laws guiding these matters need to be better, and punishments need to get stricter than 3 years for men and 2 years for women as established in sections 353 and 360 of the criminal code. The police will also need to do better in enforcing these laws.

But how is the police supposed to crack down on offences that are not being reported, or why should new laws be made to curb an offence that is not being ‘perpetrated enough’ to warrant a review of the existing laws?

The first step to containing this ever-present epidemic of domestic violence is to have victims – men and women - speak out about what they are going through.

playTonto Dikeh's evidence of physical abuse (Media Room Hub)

There can be no doubt that social media has so far helped drive forward the narrative on domestic violence, its damaging effects and the need for both abused men and women to speak up before it’s too late.

One can only hope that more abused people get the strength and mental fortitude to come out from the shadows where they stay and suffer all the pain in silence.

And as evidence has proven, social media will always be an available outlet if it ever gets too hard or embarrassing  to reach out to anyone in person.